LOVE, LUST, & LIES:

July 09-2005:

Hell, It is "Love-Lust & Lies" once again:
Today's topic is:

What Is Your Opinion On Being Friends With Your Kids."
* Do You Believe In Disciplining Your Kids?

First of all, let me deal with the first part of this question: No parent can be COOL, or be a buddy to their offspring, regardless of the age of the offspring. Cultivating from the earliest years of child-rearing that you are his or her mother or father, must be established. And telling him or her to address you as Mom, Mother, or Mummy, must also be established, in order for those kids to know the difference in parameters, and respect for you!
Secondly, we all want to be "Cool" or on friendly terms with our kids or offspring, but allowing you kid/s to address you by your "FIRST NAME" in the home, or abroad, is creating the precedence for dis-respect, and embarrassment to you, your friends, and your authority over them, in the home, or outside the home.
I do not believe in any kid calling his father "SIR." That is for the workplace, and is too formal. Dad, Father, or Daddy would be most appropriate in the home, or outside the home. And every parent must ensure that their children understand what they are allowed to do in their presence, the home, or when friends or relatives visit them. And what is not allowed in these circumstances, from very early in the up-bringing process.
Failing to set these parameters, will create the foundation for disrespect to you, your friends, your relatives, and strangers, when they visit your home, or you visit them!
Children must be SPANKED on the Butt, The Hands, or Feet, with reason and without excesses. They must be disciplined in this manner when they get out of line with you, your parents, your relatives, or strangers. Ensuring that children understand the respect that is expected to be shown to authority figures, or seniors, will help to mold them in preparation for the school years, and the world of work. Failing to do these things will cause your children to be unable to fully comprehend the rules of society, social decorum, authority, and the self-discipline to maneuver in these situations, with relative ease and self-assurance.
Finally, regardless of whether your kid/s are living in the same home with you or with his or her mother. You the mother or father must ensure that they know who you are. Why you are setting these parameters. What are your expectations from them to you, as parent. And the reason/s why you are teaching them these rules. Because failing to do so, may send the signal that you are only trying to dictate, or curtail their activities, to suit your own personal desires.
Also it is vitally essential to tell your kids that you LOVE them Regularly, and sound like you mean it. Because children pickup on hypocrisy very quickly. They may not tell you so, because of the fear of discipline from you. But they know when you are true or false to them. Let them feel like you can be trusted with anything they tell you. Encourage them to discuss any subject with you. And tell them that you may or may not have the answers, for everything, but will listen, and advise them on your personal experiences when necessary, as a frame of reference.
Om Shanti.Derryck.