Manhood & The Single Female Parent:

October 01-2007:

How Can I as A Single Mother Teach My Son How To Be A Man-Or About Manhood?

Preface:
Today I heard the above question asked on the wbai.org 'Talk Back' discussions, conducted by host 'Hugh Hamilton. And I was struck by this question so much, it induced me to write about some of my experiences growing up. Without a father at home, absent, non-existent, and clueless!

Why do so many Black and Latino young men are incarcerated at alarming rates. And continues to be incarcerated several times afterwards, for similar crimes, such as stealing, selling drugs, shop lifting, street fighting, gang banging, rapes, and burglary. This phenomenon has many facets to it, but some of the major reasons (to my mind), stem from the following:

* Lack of a male or father figure within the home.

* A father who is at home, but is abusive to his wife, or the son's mother, sisters, and brothers.

* A father who seduces his son, daughters, or drinks a lot, and becomes vociferously abusive to everyone in the home, aggressive, and verbally abusive.

* A father who has never contributed to the family's welfare, food pantry, clothing, or sometimes adequately providing for school clothing, or attending school activities or athletics that his son or daughter are a part of.

* A father who may have contributed financially during the years legally prescribed for 'child support,' but stopped after his son or daughter became of age or older in adolescence.

These are just some of the factors that influence the outcome of several male and female youths within the Black and Latino Communities Of Color. Thus leading to eventual arrests for stealing, crack smoking, crack selling, pimping, prostitution, gang membership violence, and high school drop outs.

Who is more qualified to nurture our male children towards manhood responsibilities?

I hear a lot today on radio, television, and other talk shows about The Black Churches lack of leadership to the communities they serve?
And I ask myself just how many Black and Latino families really visit those churches on a regular basis. And those who do, for what reasons?

And is it the church's responsibility to teach our children manners, civility, social responsibility, ambition, moral values, and respect for themselves and others? Have we forgotten how to raise our children with strong moral values, respect for self, family, community, and authority?

Do we expect the church to instill in our children the responsibility of paying taxes, saving something for a rainy day or some dire emergency, staying in school, applying ourselves diligently in order to acquire that diploma, certificate or degree?

These are just some glimpses of the problems that we face as a community, a family, and a people in this culture (the USA), and elsewhere!

So what do we do to correct some or all of these ills?

Firstly, I think we have got to return to the traditional basics like family values, family responsibilities, family ownership, and morality. The church is responsible for the spiritual guidance in understanding the Bible, Quran, Gita, Talmud, or Torah. We look to their experiences, knowledge, and understanding of those religious principles to guide us when we need some guidance, or explanation.

But mind you, everyone should also think for his or herself on spiritual matters. And make decisions based on sound judgements, convictions, and belief.

No one should force any child to become religious, or to convert to any religious doctrine or belief. And no one is to shun or castigate anyone for his or her dis-belief about a God, Allah, or the After Life, as per the Bible, the Quran, the Talmud, the Gita, or other religious doctrines. Parents both male and female must ensure that their child or children do their school home work, attend classes punctually, regularly, is fully rested at nights, by enforcing early curfew during puberty, and young adolescence.

Parents must cater to their children's questions about sex, sexual intercourse, gender identities, gender changes or alterations, sexual preferences, family formations, and adoptions.

If any or some of these areas are unclear, or is unable to be adequately addressed. Then it is the parent or parent's responsibility to refer his or her child to a library, the Internet, and other resources that could provide these much needed information and guidance to these enquiries. And most importantly, parents MUST admit ignorance of any issue, be it sexual identity, sexual preferences, or religious convictions to their children, if that is the case. And must also encourage individual opinion!

Derryck S. Griffith.
Educator-Advocate & Blogger.